is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Randomize
