lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
