So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
