my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
