i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
