I faked an abortion last night.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
