Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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