it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
