My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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