u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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