ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
