I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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