he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
