dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
