I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
