So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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