his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
