As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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