How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i love accidental penises.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
