im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
