Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
