dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
