You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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