he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
