3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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