Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
