she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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