i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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