they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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