she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
