Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
