Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
