he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
