so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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