Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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