youre lurking in front of me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
