he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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