i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
