ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
