The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
