In the future we'll all be gay
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
