I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
