No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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