its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
