you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
