i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
