Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
