College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
