did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
