i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
