that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
