cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
