Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
