I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
