i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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