every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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